how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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