His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
