Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
