the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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