I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
