we're chasing vodka with high fives
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
