the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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