Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
