Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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