she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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