I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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