my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm too high and old for this...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
