Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
