shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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