So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
