Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
