1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
