You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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