i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
