I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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