the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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