We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
