Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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