a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
