Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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