Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
