I seem to have left my pride at pride
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
