Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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