Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
