I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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