the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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