I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
