Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
