He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
