the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
