I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
