I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
