So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Pants are for mortals
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
