Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
