Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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