I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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