My first STD was from a foam party
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
