I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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