I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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