I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
