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Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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