An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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