She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
did i walk over a car last night?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
