Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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