just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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