Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
