Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
