Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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