Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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