The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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