okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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