Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
