I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
