Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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