Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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