Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
