man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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