u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
