Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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