im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
