She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
