I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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