im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
