i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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