I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
