Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
