She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
