Dignity is for republicans.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
