u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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